First, the the picture on your home of your storybook is epic. That is definitely one of the coolest pictures I have seen since I have been in this class. It reminds me of the awesome battle scenes in movies like "Gladiator" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." Great find!
I love the beginning of your introduction too. Everyone loves a good rivalry. It also forces one to pick a side. Like, who would pick the Cubs over the Cardinals? ;)
This rivalry theme could really make your stories really interesting. I think it would be really cool if you developed rival characters in your stories in a way that the reader has no idea who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. Your readers would almost be forced to pick a side. Then when your story ends and one character prevails over the other, the reader is either extremely happy or heartbroken. I kind of picture it like "Team Edward" vs. "Team Jacob" from the Twilight Series. Just a suggestion!
With your theme of reincarnation. The same two characters in their reincarnated forms would fight over and over.
I like that you chose reincarnation as your central theme. It opens doors to endless story possibilities. I am excited to read the stories you write in your storybook during the course of this semester.
Hi Jack, I have a few comments. First, I couldn't find the way to your comment wall from your site. I would suggest adding one to your home page. If you go to "Insert" while editing your site, you can add a button, perhaps with the text "comment wall" which is linked to this page. I do like your blurb on your home page, though. It really draws you in. However, your introduction page contains a lot of exposition. That much info dump kind of loses my attention. Is it necessary to know all of that before reading all of your stories? Or is it possible to weave some of it into the stories, where it might flow more naturally? For example, instead of explaining the Trimurti, could you have a line to the effect of "Vishnu is one of the Trimurti, three celestial beings who have celestial abodes, but reincarnate into lives on earth on occasion." If we have the context, and a reason to care about that information (i.e. so we can understand the story we're reading, it is a lot less likely to lose the reader's attention.)
Hi Jack. I picked your project from the list. What grabbed my attention was the title. I think it is a good title. Upon reading the introduction I found that you were going to retell stories related to rivalry and incarnation. Incarnation is something that has not explored too much in the two texts that we have read so far. It is mentioned, but it merely serves as a plot point to connect the gods to what happens on the earth. Your project seeks to tackle and retell stories about multiple incarnations of cosmic deities. It is going to be interesting to see how the stories feel when they are being retold side by side. It may elucidate the nature of reincarnation and explain how the characters interact through time. I think this is a very cool project, and I look forward to reading some of the stories you publish for it.
I first wanted to point out that I really enjoyed reading your introduction. What caught my attention right away was your first paragraph. I saw you mention batman and joker, Oklahoma and Texas, making comparisons to Rama and Ravana and I thought that was a great idea. I also liked how you have us the history of what you were going to be talking about within your story. A lot of students such as myself are unfamiliar with various terminology and its importance within writings such as these so providing the history and what certain terms are was a great idea. There was one thing I would recommend you maybe add to your introduction. I really wanted to see some type of picture added. I noticed you had a picture towards the top of the page, but I also thought it would maybe be a good idea to add a picture either below your body text or on the side somewhere. Overall, your introduction was great.
Wow, great job with your introduction! I think you did a wonderful job of knowing who your audience is and knowing how to draw them in with just a simple sentence in the beginning of your paragraph. Mentioning OU/Texas grabbed my attention really quickly and I wanted to learn more about the comparisons you were discussing. I also appreciated the amount of detail you used with your introduction. Just enough to make someone really interested in what you will be talking about but not too much to give everything away. Great job!
The title to your storybook sounds really cool, and it definitely caught my attention. Your introduction does a great job of explaining the origin of these conflicts. I actually did not know much about the incarnations of Vishnu so for me it was very informative and very interesting. I always found the concept of re-birth very interesting and the way that re-incarnation is presented in Hindu mythology is very cool. I liked the background you provided. Most of the stories only tell you that Rama is the sixth avatar of Vishu, or something similar. But they don't give you the back story of what that means or how that came about. I liked that you provide the backstory for all of this.
I liked the level of detail that you provide with your stories; you create really good imagery for the reader. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey great choice! We are doing similar topics but from different perspective. I am focusing on the two door keepers using Rick and Morty while you are focusing on the relationship between Vishnu’s avatar and the doorkeepers. I like how you started off listing rivalries. Maybe for batman and Joker/ Oklahoma and Texas you could put “vs” instead of “and” just to further point out there is a difference between the two. It was interesting how you pointed out that they have multiple lives but no knowledge of their past yet they still have this innate battle or dislike between the two which is interesting. I like how you decided to just focus in on Jaya’s avatars because it would be a lot to also include Vijaya. You did a very unique approach to your story. I liked how you had close interactions between the bothers and then also added your own side commentary such as “how Hiranyaksha died because I think he deserves at least that”. I would suggest rearranging the order such as “ I think he at least deserves that” Great work in the detail, it really helps the reader imagine what is going on! Keep it up!
I really like, Hiranyakashipu, the first story in your story book. I can tell how much work you put into it. As I was reading I could tell that you must have researched your characters a lot. Then I found out in your author's note that this was true. One thing that I really enjoyed was how you broke up the story with words from the narrator. I don't think I've read any stories from this class where the writer did this. I think this unique element adds a lot of character to your writing. I will say that there were some areas that were hard for me to follow. I think it might just be because I do not know a ton about the characters. Where I was confused though, the narrators words and the author's not helped me out.
One kind of a side note, I really like the images you chose for this story. The images of Varaha as the man-boar and Narasimha as the the man-lion were very cool. These were great image choices to help the reader further envision some of the scenes.
I love the theme of your story book! It is really cool how you focus on the encounters of reincarnations. I think you are really hitting on the topic that destiny is manifested in incredible ways that brings people together consistently. In fact, it even happens with us. The people we meet and end up with are those who have met with us in previous lifetimes. We simply retouch these relationships to better them, learn from them, and not repeat mistakes in them. The layout of your first story was entertaining and really kept me reading. It was great that you included some dialogue with your first-person perspective. I am also glad that your images follow with the story. It really provides a good visual for those who read it. Your website is also laid out well and organized to easily follow. Overall, your story was great! I cannot wait to come back and read more!
Hey Jack, I like how you have set up your first story. I enjoyed reading it because you switch from Hiranyakashipu’s perspective and your narrative. I think that helps pull the reader back in from the fantasy and gives a scope on what the reader should be understanding from the dialogue. I also like at the end of the narrative you put a score. I think the score makes it more entertaining, like a game or a competition. I also like how you put your own spin of the age-old theme of revenge fueled by the death of a family member. I was not expecting Hiranyakashipu to become basically immortal. That was also an interesting loophole you used to kill Hiranyakashipu. I am curious on how you will incorporate the son into the story. Will he follow his fathers footsteps and seek revenge or will he agree with the reasons for his fathers death?
Jack great stories so far! I really enjoyed reading them and overall there were some very interesting details. For this week I am going to be commenting on the layout of your website and some things that I believe would be helpful to fix. First, I want to say I really like the layout that you have and I think you are doing a great job overall with how it looks. Having good different images on each page makes it easy to tell that you have switched pages. The pictures also give a sense of the theme of the class. All the pictures are very appropriate and pretty epic also. The homepage picture is a great battle shot. I also think you have a good layout with where the stories are in the upper corner. One thing I haven't liked is the drop-down menu some people have so great job with that!
Wow! That was a really great version of that comic. I was familiar with it before but I am really glad you fleshed out the details. I really liked how you went into detail about what happened to Hiranyaksha died because it was not mentioned in great detail in the original version. I was wondering how much of his death fame from the original version and how much came from your imagination. This can be something you can add to the authors note in other stories. I also really liked how you could tell which god Vishnu was even if you did not have any background knowledge. For instance, I knew that he was the god of protection, but if somebody didn’t know that before they read your story. They would be most likely be able to guess. Another thing I wanted to mention was how much I liked the structure of your story. By adding interjections of your own narration, you really helped me as the reader to follow along. When I was reading original versions of the Indian epics I found it really difficult on keeping the story straight. I definitely recommend you continue this practice in your future stories.
Hello Jack, I appreciate that you have taken on the before and after stories of Ravana and the context of his larger history. It is interesting to read into the concept of reincarnation through the various curses and boons of the celestial realm. Your explanation of this concept and how it relates to the characters in your story work very well. Overall, I enjoyed the commentary of your narrator and the pace felt fairly natural. However, it took me the through your Hiranyakashipu story page to get used to it. The Ravana story page flow was much more comfortable. Perhaps reviewing the Hiranyakashipu page and looking for ways to more overtly know that you are transitioning verbally from the story to the narrator and vice versa. For example, In Rudyard Kipling’s Just So Stories, He narrates the storyline by addressing his audience with phrases like, “Now, Children…” This sort of transition lets the reader know, without a doubt, that there is a change from story to narration and back.
I read your Ravana story. First off, I really appreciate your small introduction at the top before you got into the story. I had never thought of putting a little introduction into the story before I actually started writing. I think this helped me feel like I had already kind of dipped my toes into the story. It made reading the rest of it feel so much easier. I think this would be something beneficial to use in writing, especially when your readers have never been introduced to the story you are about to retell before. I think this is extra beneficial for me because I struggle big times with the names in these stories, they can be a little difficult! However, having this at the top made it so easy to go back and reference throughout the entirety of the story. Also your interjections throughout! Much appreciated!! I definitely want to remember this for my story telling in the future. It helped to make me feel more engaged because I felt like I was having a conversation with a friend throughout the entirety of the story. So fun!
Great job with your story and good luck with the rest of your semester!
First, I would like to say that your storybook website looked great! The layout and design were eye appealing. The banner pictures were awesome because they were all ancient art of Indian culture. I also thought your storybook webpage was easy to navigate. Overall, your storybook website looked nice and simple.
I read your second story, "Ravana." I thought the way your story was broken up was interesting but in a fresh and unique way. The synopsis of the story at the top really helped me to understand what was happening as I read through the story. I also found it interesting that we got a background on Ravana because in the Ramayana it was all about Rama. I do not think I have any suggestions for this story at this time. It was a fun and informational story on Ravana. I kept my attention to reading the story all the way through so that was good. I thought your story overall was entertaining and informative.
Hey Jack! To start off, I really like the title of your storybook and tha layout you have chosen. The introduction was very clever; I love the bit in the beginning about classic rivalries of the past and present. I also had no idea that the story behind Ravana was so complicated; you did a great job explaining the backstory of how these characters came to embody their different incarnations. Following the characters in your actual stories was a little bit more challenging, however.
I really like your descriptions in the first story of the brothers traveling between cosmos; it added a neat space-time dimension to the setting. Breaking the fourth wall in a story can be great way of clueing the reader into something important that they may otherwise not have known, which is exactly what you have chosen to do. However, it might be helpful to try and create a clearer break between the prose and the direct narration. Well done!
Jack, I thought your stories were really good. They all flowed very good and my favorite was your story over Ravana. I remember from reading about him that he was a very important character that Rama had to defeat. I enjoyed your rendition of it and I thought it flowed very well and your character progression was very good. I also really liked the set up of your website. The headers on each page are good and reflect the theme of each story and the characters that are in it. Overall, I thought your stories were well written out and they all flowed very well. Your writing ability is very good and I enjoyed reading each story. Good luck to you in your future stories and I can't wait to read them sometime!
I really enjoyed the story of Ravana and his brother. You brought a new story to life in a different way. The insertions of your commentary were also really helpful to help the readers make sense of what was going on. I think you could put your commentary in italics or a different font or something to help distinguish between your comments and the story. The visuals you also provided throughout were great as well! It gives a sense of imagery and that itself provokes imagination to bring your story to a new level. You organized this in a nice way as well. Your theme is consistent and the layout is also really great! The background of Ravana is really interesting so I am glad that you expanded on it. I enjoyed this story as well! You really know how to engage the readers and make it super interesting It was so fun to read! Great work, Jack!
This weeks feedback is focused on looking at writer’s authors notes and I feel that after reading and analyzing yours I can take a lot back for my own. Your first story I was not familiar with and appreciated the little bit of background detail that you provided. I appreciated hearing exactly how you felt while writing it and where your thought process was taking you. I often find myself retelling the story people just read instead of the backstory and why I wrote what a did. I noticed not only did you have an Author’s Note but also a little pre story Author’s Note. I found it very helpful knowing some of the background details before jumping into the stories. Often we read the story thinking about the original but by knowing what the author's intentions are prior it helps with imagery. There is less comparison and more seeing it as its own story.
Hi Jack! I will start off this feedback comment by explaining that I am a very picky grader and you do not have to (and should not) take anything I say to heart. To start off, on your home page, I absolutely love the image you use, but the intro sentence could use work? "This is an adventure through a few of the numerous encounters between Rama and Ravana throughout time." Through...through. On to your introduction! First off, I don't see a link to your comment page? I might just be missing it. Besides that, I love the intro and the first bit definitely pulls you in. I would take out Cato and Ceasar? It's just that I understand every thing but that one? Also, I feel the intro to the fourth paragraph could be reworked. "Four Kumaras, child sages created by Brahma, traveled to Vaikuntha to speak with Vishnu." Would be better. Beyond that, it's a great opener!
Hi Jack. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading your storybook. Over the course of the semester, I developed an interest in the incarnations of the many gods. Their avatars always seemed to be in the middle of a grand story, and they appeared everywhere I looked - such as in the epics we read, or in Wikipedia articles for EC like Wikipedia Trails. So, I am glad I found your storybook. I don't have any obvious constructive criticism about your author's notes. They were super helpful in expanding on the purpose of the story, background in case I got confused, and explaining what had really occurred. The interjections where you sort of took a second to explain what was going on were also super helpful. I struggle a lot with names, and the ones in these epics we are reading are always difficult to remember for me. So, I'm glad you have those to help me keep track. Overall, great job!
Hi Jack!
ReplyDeleteFirst, the the picture on your home of your storybook is epic. That is definitely one of the coolest pictures I have seen since I have been in this class. It reminds me of the awesome battle scenes in movies like "Gladiator" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." Great find!
I love the beginning of your introduction too. Everyone loves a good rivalry. It also forces one to pick a side. Like, who would pick the Cubs over the Cardinals? ;)
This rivalry theme could really make your stories really interesting. I think it would be really cool if you developed rival characters in your stories in a way that the reader has no idea who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. Your readers would almost be forced to pick a side. Then when your story ends and one character prevails over the other, the reader is either extremely happy or heartbroken. I kind of picture it like "Team Edward" vs. "Team Jacob" from the Twilight Series. Just a suggestion!
With your theme of reincarnation. The same two characters in their reincarnated forms would fight over and over.
I like that you chose reincarnation as your central theme. It opens doors to endless story possibilities. I am excited to read the stories you write in your storybook during the course of this semester.
Hi Jack,
ReplyDeleteI have a few comments. First, I couldn't find the way to your comment wall from your site. I would suggest adding one to your home page. If you go to "Insert" while editing your site, you can add a button, perhaps with the text "comment wall" which is linked to this page. I do like your blurb on your home page, though. It really draws you in. However, your introduction page contains a lot of exposition. That much info dump kind of loses my attention. Is it necessary to know all of that before reading all of your stories? Or is it possible to weave some of it into the stories, where it might flow more naturally? For example, instead of explaining the Trimurti, could you have a line to the effect of "Vishnu is one of the Trimurti, three celestial beings who have celestial abodes, but reincarnate into lives on earth on occasion." If we have the context, and a reason to care about that information (i.e. so we can understand the story we're reading, it is a lot less likely to lose the reader's attention.)
Hi Jack. I picked your project from the list. What grabbed my attention was the title. I think it is a good title. Upon reading the introduction I found that you were going to retell stories related to rivalry and incarnation. Incarnation is something that has not explored too much in the two texts that we have read so far. It is mentioned, but it merely serves as a plot point to connect the gods to what happens on the earth. Your project seeks to tackle and retell stories about multiple incarnations of cosmic deities. It is going to be interesting to see how the stories feel when they are being retold side by side. It may elucidate the nature of reincarnation and explain how the characters interact through time. I think this is a very cool project, and I look forward to reading some of the stories you publish for it.
ReplyDeleteHey Jack.
ReplyDeleteI first wanted to point out that I really enjoyed reading your introduction. What caught my attention right away was your first paragraph. I saw you mention batman and joker, Oklahoma and Texas, making comparisons to Rama and Ravana and I thought that was a great idea. I also liked how you have us the history of what you were going to be talking about within your story. A lot of students such as myself are unfamiliar with various terminology and its importance within writings such as these so providing the history and what certain terms are was a great idea. There was one thing I would recommend you maybe add to your introduction. I really wanted to see some type of picture added. I noticed you had a picture towards the top of the page, but I also thought it would maybe be a good idea to add a picture either below your body text or on the side somewhere. Overall, your introduction was great.
Hi Jack!
ReplyDeleteWow, great job with your introduction! I think you did a wonderful job of knowing who your audience is and knowing how to draw them in with just a simple sentence in the beginning of your paragraph. Mentioning OU/Texas grabbed my attention really quickly and I wanted to learn more about the comparisons you were discussing. I also appreciated the amount of detail you used with your introduction. Just enough to make someone really interested in what you will be talking about but not too much to give everything away. Great job!
Hi Jack,
ReplyDeleteThe title to your storybook sounds really cool, and it definitely caught my attention. Your introduction does a great job of explaining the origin of these conflicts. I actually did not know much about the incarnations of Vishnu so for me it was very informative and very interesting. I always found the concept of re-birth very interesting and the way that re-incarnation is presented in Hindu mythology is very cool. I liked the background you provided. Most of the stories only tell you that Rama is the sixth avatar of Vishu, or something similar. But they don't give you the back story of what that means or how that came about. I liked that you provide the backstory for all of this.
I liked the level of detail that you provide with your stories; you create really good imagery for the reader. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey great choice! We are doing similar topics but from different perspective. I am focusing on the two door keepers using Rick and Morty while you are focusing on the relationship between Vishnu’s avatar and the doorkeepers.
ReplyDeleteI like how you started off listing rivalries. Maybe for batman and Joker/ Oklahoma and Texas you could put “vs” instead of “and” just to further point out there is a difference between the two. It was interesting how you pointed out that they have multiple lives but no knowledge of their past yet they still have this innate battle or dislike between the two which is interesting. I like how you decided to just focus in on Jaya’s avatars because it would be a lot to also include Vijaya.
You did a very unique approach to your story. I liked how you had close interactions between the bothers and then also added your own side commentary such as “how Hiranyaksha died because I think he deserves at least that”. I would suggest rearranging the order such as “ I think he at least deserves that”
Great work in the detail, it really helps the reader imagine what is going on! Keep it up!
Hey Jack,
ReplyDeleteI really like, Hiranyakashipu, the first story in your story book. I can tell how much work you put into it. As I was reading I could tell that you must have researched your characters a lot. Then I found out in your author's note that this was true. One thing that I really enjoyed was how you broke up the story with words from the narrator. I don't think I've read any stories from this class where the writer did this. I think this unique element adds a lot of character to your writing. I will say that there were some areas that were hard for me to follow. I think it might just be because I do not know a ton about the characters. Where I was confused though, the narrators words and the author's not helped me out.
One kind of a side note, I really like the images you chose for this story. The images of Varaha as the man-boar and Narasimha as the the man-lion were very cool. These were great image choices to help the reader further envision some of the scenes.
Hi Jack,
ReplyDeleteI love the theme of your story book! It is really cool how you focus on the encounters of reincarnations. I think you are really hitting on the topic that destiny is manifested in incredible ways that brings people together consistently. In fact, it even happens with us. The people we meet and end up with are those who have met with us in previous lifetimes. We simply retouch these relationships to better them, learn from them, and not repeat mistakes in them. The layout of your first story was entertaining and really kept me reading. It was great that you included some dialogue with your first-person perspective. I am also glad that your images follow with the story. It really provides a good visual for those who read it. Your website is also laid out well and organized to easily follow. Overall, your story was great! I cannot wait to come back and read more!
Hey Jack,
ReplyDeleteI like how you have set up your first story. I enjoyed reading it because you switch from Hiranyakashipu’s perspective and your narrative. I think that helps pull the reader back in from the fantasy and gives a scope on what the reader should be understanding from the dialogue. I also like at the end of the narrative you put a score. I think the score makes it more entertaining, like a game or a competition. I also like how you put your own spin of the age-old theme of revenge fueled by the death of a family member. I was not expecting Hiranyakashipu to become basically immortal. That was also an interesting loophole you used to kill Hiranyakashipu. I am curious on how you will incorporate the son into the story. Will he follow his fathers footsteps and seek revenge or will he agree with the reasons for his fathers death?
Jack great stories so far! I really enjoyed reading them and overall there were some very interesting details. For this week I am going to be commenting on the layout of your website and some things that I believe would be helpful to fix. First, I want to say I really like the layout that you have and I think you are doing a great job overall with how it looks. Having good different images on each page makes it easy to tell that you have switched pages. The pictures also give a sense of the theme of the class. All the pictures are very appropriate and pretty epic also. The homepage picture is a great battle shot. I also think you have a good layout with where the stories are in the upper corner. One thing I haven't liked is the drop-down menu some people have so great job with that!
ReplyDeleteWow! That was a really great version of that comic. I was familiar with it before but I am really glad you fleshed out the details. I really liked how you went into detail about what happened to Hiranyaksha died because it was not mentioned in great detail in the original version. I was wondering how much of his death fame from the original version and how much came from your imagination. This can be something you can add to the authors note in other stories. I also really liked how you could tell which god Vishnu was even if you did not have any background knowledge. For instance, I knew that he was the god of protection, but if somebody didn’t know that before they read your story. They would be most likely be able to guess. Another thing I wanted to mention was how much I liked the structure of your story. By adding interjections of your own narration, you really helped me as the reader to follow along. When I was reading original versions of the Indian epics I found it really difficult on keeping the story straight. I definitely recommend you continue this practice in your future stories.
ReplyDeleteHello Jack,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you have taken on the before and after stories of Ravana and the context of his larger history. It is interesting to read into the concept of reincarnation through the various curses and boons of the celestial realm. Your explanation of this concept and how it relates to the characters in your story work very well. Overall, I enjoyed the commentary of your narrator and the pace felt fairly natural. However, it took me the through your Hiranyakashipu story page to get used to it. The Ravana story page flow was much more comfortable. Perhaps reviewing the Hiranyakashipu page and looking for ways to more overtly know that you are transitioning verbally from the story to the narrator and vice versa. For example, In Rudyard Kipling’s Just So Stories, He narrates the storyline by addressing his audience with phrases like, “Now, Children…” This sort of transition lets the reader know, without a doubt, that there is a change from story to narration and back.
Hi Jack!
ReplyDeleteI read your Ravana story. First off, I really appreciate your small introduction at the top before you got into the story. I had never thought of putting a little introduction into the story before I actually started writing. I think this helped me feel like I had already kind of dipped my toes into the story. It made reading the rest of it feel so much easier. I think this would be something beneficial to use in writing, especially when your readers have never been introduced to the story you are about to retell before. I think this is extra beneficial for me because I struggle big times with the names in these stories, they can be a little difficult! However, having this at the top made it so easy to go back and reference throughout the entirety of the story.
Also your interjections throughout! Much appreciated!! I definitely want to remember this for my story telling in the future. It helped to make me feel more engaged because I felt like I was having a conversation with a friend throughout the entirety of the story. So fun!
Great job with your story and good luck with the rest of your semester!
Howdy Jack,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to say that your storybook website looked great! The layout and design were eye appealing. The banner pictures were awesome because they were all ancient art of Indian culture. I also thought your storybook webpage was easy to navigate. Overall, your storybook website looked nice and simple.
I read your second story, "Ravana." I thought the way your story was broken up was interesting but in a fresh and unique way. The synopsis of the story at the top really helped me to understand what was happening as I read through the story. I also found it interesting that we got a background on Ravana because in the Ramayana it was all about Rama. I do not think I have any suggestions for this story at this time. It was a fun and informational story on Ravana. I kept my attention to reading the story all the way through so that was good. I thought your story overall was entertaining and informative.
Hey Jack!
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I really like the title of your storybook and tha layout you have chosen. The introduction was very clever; I love the bit in the beginning about classic rivalries of the past and present. I also had no idea that the story behind Ravana was so complicated; you did a great job explaining the backstory of how these characters came to embody their different incarnations. Following the characters in your actual stories was a little bit more challenging, however.
I really like your descriptions in the first story of the brothers traveling between cosmos; it added a neat space-time dimension to the setting. Breaking the fourth wall in a story can be great way of clueing the reader into something important that they may otherwise not have known, which is exactly what you have chosen to do. However, it might be helpful to try and create a clearer break between the prose and the direct narration.
Well done!
Jack, I thought your stories were really good. They all flowed very good and my favorite was your story over Ravana. I remember from reading about him that he was a very important character that Rama had to defeat. I enjoyed your rendition of it and I thought it flowed very well and your character progression was very good. I also really liked the set up of your website. The headers on each page are good and reflect the theme of each story and the characters that are in it. Overall, I thought your stories were well written out and they all flowed very well. Your writing ability is very good and I enjoyed reading each story. Good luck to you in your future stories and I can't wait to read them sometime!
ReplyDeleteHi Jack,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story of Ravana and his brother. You brought a new story to life in a different way. The insertions of your commentary were also really helpful to help the readers make sense of what was going on. I think you could put your commentary in italics or a different font or something to help distinguish between your comments and the story. The visuals you also provided throughout were great as well! It gives a sense of imagery and that itself provokes imagination to bring your story to a new level. You organized this in a nice way as well. Your theme is consistent and the layout is also really great! The background of Ravana is really interesting so I am glad that you expanded on it. I enjoyed this story as well! You really know how to engage the readers and make it super interesting It was so fun to read! Great work, Jack!
This weeks feedback is focused on looking at writer’s authors notes and I feel that after reading and analyzing yours I can take a lot back for my own. Your first story I was not familiar with and appreciated the little bit of background detail that you provided. I appreciated hearing exactly how you felt while writing it and where your thought process was taking you. I often find myself retelling the story people just read instead of the backstory and why I wrote what a did. I noticed not only did you have an Author’s Note but also a little pre story Author’s Note. I found it very helpful knowing some of the background details before jumping into the stories. Often we read the story thinking about the original but by knowing what the author's intentions are prior it helps with imagery. There is less comparison and more seeing it as its own story.
ReplyDeleteHi Jack! I will start off this feedback comment by explaining that I am a very picky grader and you do not have to (and should not) take anything I say to heart. To start off, on your home page, I absolutely love the image you use, but the intro sentence could use work? "This is an adventure through a few of the numerous encounters between Rama and Ravana throughout time." Through...through. On to your introduction! First off, I don't see a link to your comment page? I might just be missing it. Besides that, I love the intro and the first bit definitely pulls you in. I would take out Cato and Ceasar? It's just that I understand every thing but that one? Also, I feel the intro to the fourth paragraph could be reworked. "Four Kumaras, child sages created by Brahma, traveled to Vaikuntha to speak with Vishnu." Would be better. Beyond that, it's a great opener!
ReplyDeleteHi Jack. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading your storybook. Over the course of the semester, I developed an interest in the incarnations of the many gods. Their avatars always seemed to be in the middle of a grand story, and they appeared everywhere I looked - such as in the epics we read, or in Wikipedia articles for EC like Wikipedia Trails. So, I am glad I found your storybook. I don't have any obvious constructive criticism about your author's notes. They were super helpful in expanding on the purpose of the story, background in case I got confused, and explaining what had really occurred. The interjections where you sort of took a second to explain what was going on were also super helpful. I struggle a lot with names, and the ones in these epics we are reading are always difficult to remember for me. So, I'm glad you have those to help me keep track. Overall, great job!
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